Diamond and Rust: 我的青春腳步



⊙ 我的青春腳步(台北/台大法學院,2008.01.05)


◎ 奎澤石頭

那時學運的戰火並沒有燃燒到這裡,徐州路口或那裡,一排楓樹死守夏天最後的據點,秋蟬對我說,這些西風經手的衰亡。蝴蝶的彩翼以寫詩的姿態靠近,你問起我春樹的名字,不知怎麼回答於是我就瘋狂地笑了。想像你和我,從校總區坐0南公車來此,就成為多聞闕疑的青春時期我們燃燒生命的避風港,為的是到經濟系上課,誓死不願聽懂的資本主義經濟學。總是坐在第十六教室外,拿起禁書一八四四經濟學哲學手稿,按住從杭州南路吹來的倫敦思念,堅持不讓風吹到那頁就讀那頁,從這裡開始,逐步進入一個不忍揭的風雪世界:異化。剝削。剩餘價值。產業後備軍。革命。著實孤獨,相對於教室裡書空咄咄的數學曲線,與上課必須起立敬禮坐下的傳統,破了一個洞的受傷天空,瞥見雨雪其霏的端坐。多麼希望自己也是其中一員。安於可以放書包的老式課桌椅屏氣凝神抄筆記(或許鎖住的裡面還有我用小刀刻滿的字句),用優雅的聲調說著消費者偏好與高度均衡陷阱。安於想像世界裡的比肩散步,豫溪南岸微微泛白的江渚,一朵蘆葦花,流放在雨中,昨天我還這樣感覺。安於三菜一湯的心情。但你說,在這運動化外之境的域土並沒有浪漫的權力。多麼寧靜。錦鯉悠遊依舊的弄春池。長高一倍的檳榔樹。日本台北帝國大學巴洛克風建築的遺緒。曾為我困惑與欲生欲死的種種,這時仍然安於自己該有的精神性。背著畫架去找尋陽光,把法學院三個大字打個大X,揮霍理性,以線條與色塊造訪強烈颱風眼裡的劉其偉與小紅鳥。We have got nothing but time. 而昨天我還走過,時常心跳的街衢,徐州路口或那裡,一排楓樹對我說,那些西風經手的衰亡,在戰亂中萌芽。鑽石與鐵鏽。不再是那麼有鄉愁了。我的青春腳步,吶喊著無人能懂的流離。流離。流離。微轉的星是靜泊的塵。燃燒的青春午夜曳航此後不再有我。進入校園就哭了出來的成為泛白的記憶說我的詩若寫得不好也沒關係,只要記得 Diamond and Rust,和那首老歌。 (2008.01.05)


Diamond and Rust
原唱者Joan Baez 的 video:
http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=GGMHSbcd_qI&feature=related

Well , I’ll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that’s not unusual
It’s just that the moon is full and you happened to call
And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I’d known a couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
were bluer than robin’s eggs
My poetry was lousy, you said
“Where were you calling from?”
“A booth in the Midwest”
Ten years ago I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamond and rust

Well, you burst on the scene were already a legend
The unwatched phenomenon
The original vagabond you strayed into my arms
And there you stayed temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes, the girl on the half shell
Could keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing with brown leaves falling all around snow in your hair
Now you’re smiling out the window of that crummy hotel over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white cloud mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could’ve died then and there

Now you’re telling me you’re not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who’re so good with words and at keeping thing vague
Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It’s all come back too clearly
Yes , I love you dearly
And if you’re offering me diamonds and rust
I’ve already paid




The Year of the Cat: 如同河水漫過那貓年













‘這些日子,她說,我感覺我的生活
如同河水漫過那貓年’



⊙ 貓年(台北/士林夜市,2008.01)




奎澤石頭

重金屬搖滾在耳際響起,探頭,那時人潮如織的感覺就淡了
躡足於煙火屋頂,燦爛,困惑的墓誌銘那時就被無邊沈默淹沒了




Al Stewart – Year of the cat
原唱者Al Stewart 的Viedo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM7LR46zrQU

On a morning from a Bogart movie
In a country where they turn back time
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre
Contemplating a crime
She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running
Like a watercolour in the rain
Don’t bother asking for explanations
She’ll just tell you that she came
In the year of the cat.

She doesn’t give you time for questions
As she locks up your arm in hers
And you follow ’till your sense of which direction
Completely disappears
By the blue tiled walls near the market stalls
There’s a hidden door she leads you to
These days, she says, I feel my life
Just like a river running through
The year of the cat.

She looks at you so cooly
And her eyes shine like the moon in the sea
She comes in incense and patchouli
So you take her, to find what’s waiting inside
The year of the cat.

Well morning comes and you’re still with her
And the bus and the tourists are gone
And you’ve thrown away the choice and lost your ticket
So you have to stay on
But the drum-beat strains of the night remain
In the rhythm of the new-born day
You know sometime you’re bound to leave her
But for now you’re going to stay
In the year of the cat.


和紀露霞一起學唱歌



他們說快樂是不好的,那就和紀露霞一起學唱歌吧(台北/陽明山,2007.11.21)

奎澤石頭。他們說快樂是不好的。你感覺這些也有一段時日了吧。但這次不再匆匆趕路,在這著名的山頭佇足,聽著溪澗流水往更為深邃的山谷而去,迎風浮現的是室內已然嘹亮的歌聲。紀露霞。帶領著一群老年了嚮往著記憶鄉愁的靈魂,一遍又一遍。台灣歌謠。孤女的願望。我在其中。一度深覺孤獨。我的消失的1960年代。在來得及崇拜寶島歌后紀露霞之前,就被ICRT的西洋排行榜與龍的傳人的民歌所帶領,走向一個我現在比較瞭解但當時毫無所悉的資本主義世界的與文化中國鄉愁。看著這些認真唱著歌的阿婆阿公的滿足的臉龐,有時我又非常羨慕。唱著孤女的願望是真實的鄉愁,對於他們而言。我也想歡喜唱著,卻唱不出口。我知道我唱出的將是抽象的音符,是一種學術研究上的存在,或是一種被我寫詩的心靈建構出來的實在。但從紀露霞口中唱出的音樂就是這樣有魔力,老人們大概反反覆覆唱了十幾遍。那養女就這樣從萬華的路邊走來,聽著收音機裡的繁榮上海白光,周璇的美妙聲音,學著學著,以天才式的快樂天性,說著自己的願望,就是經由唱歌擁抱這片土地,那片土地,混和著分不清地愛著現在,過去以及未來將愛的人。但他們說快樂是不好的。一道從上而下的命令,從此台灣歌謠就從台北消失了,從本來該我領受音樂神光的高雄消失了。我的青春歲月就這樣被從本該經由土地哼唱而得的文化精神被置換了,從來不曾生根,這造就了我骨子裡的虛無性格。無根花。善疑的飄移若這山間秋的紅楓,對幸福沒有嚮往的墜落。所以,在戒嚴時期我就是那個不知死活走在台大校園最前端向著架滿槍枝的軍警而去的四個人之一,手腕著手,沒有明天的,夾在高雄縣橋頭鄉與安徽省宿松縣間的徬徨存在,因此竟然無意間烙印了生命中最為突出的樂章,為現在看來被平庸與跳樑小丑佔領權力要津到很可笑的民主化台灣。所有嚴肅的堅固的都煙消雲散了傷痕卻留了下來。嘶喊到極點是喜歡安靜聆聽。孤女的願望。我看著紀露霞數十年如一日的專注。活過了堅貞婚姻。活過了虔誠信仰。活過了燦爛舞台。活過了引退平常。活過了悲劇性的喪夫之痛。在變化中守住了一種不變。從丹田發出的聲音,忽高忽低。收放自如。這裡。那裡。在看得出來完全真誠景仰著她的這群阿公阿婆輩的學生中自在遊走。擦肩而過時並投給我一個跨越時空溫暖的微笑。我終於把嘴巴張開。跟著大家的節奏唱著。孤女的願望。他們說快樂是不好的。我一點也不相信。繁華都市台北在哪裡?問了近六十年的問題耽誤了的青春爾今快樂地得到了答案。在歌唱裡。因為紀露霞。我實實在在地感受到台灣這片土地的呼吸。熱情地唱。應是丁亥秋日。辰。 歌聲裡的快樂是好的。奎澤石頭。我記得離開那片山谷時細雨濛濛正為你的飄滿音樂的幸福幻想送行著吧。(2007.12.21)


⊙ 歌聲裡的快樂是好的(和紀露霞一起學唱歌,台北/陽明山,2007.11.21)

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